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Nike Active Shorts

Nike Active Shorts
Is this a good story that I wrote?

This is my story:


Chapter 1:
It was two days into Jack and Tom’s holiday and they were playing football in there garden. It was the summer so it was boiling hot, Jack was playing in net and Tom was having shots. They lived near a beach which is said to have mysterious things going on there. Jack and Tom always wanted to go around and see what was happening there. They were both eleven, Jack had brown hair, blue eyes, and always wore his Nike trainers. Jack was an active boy and liked to get involved in stuff. Tom was the same they were brothers and tomorrow they were going to go to that beach.

It’s only my first chapter but I don’t know whether I should put more detail or have a bit about them playing football or even both. I think it’s quite short aswell. What do you think?

The beginning is not very good at all. I mean it in the sense that you really want something more powerful, something a lot more catchy than that. It was very mundane; some kids were playing football and one was in goal. Plus it does have to a lot longer to be a chapter.
I really don’t want to sound harsh but you have to change it quite a bit to make it sound good

Nike Active Shorts

Nike Active Shorts

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